19 9 / 2011

Here’s a list of 9 celebrities who could/should never be roasted that I did for work.

More importantly, here’s the one that my editor Carol wouldn’t let me publish.

The joke was going to be, “I haven’t been this publicly embarrassed since Prince Harry did anything, ever. Also I am dead.”

19 9 / 2011

Really didn’t expect this in the re-released Lion King.

Really didn’t expect this in the re-released Lion King.

15 9 / 2011

TLCee-Lo.

TLCee-Lo.

20 11 / 2010

12 11 / 2010

In honor of Bill O’Reilly’s announcement that he’s releasing a comic book about himself, I thought I’d share a comic about O’Reilly saving Christmas that we wrote a few years ago for the Texas Travesty, UT’s humor magazine that I wrote for and edited. Most of the credit for this goes to the amazing Chris Friend. Click on the picture below to see the full comic.

08 10 / 2010

I recently moved to New York City to work for Huffington Post Comedy, and realized I should post some of the things I’ve done there for posterity before they realize I’m undeserving of working at a fancy SoHo office building and kick me out.

03 9 / 2010

Here are some of my very own Duck Phillips.

I’m wasting the miracle of life.

18 8 / 2010

I’d love it if you bought one or several of my earthly belongings that I have to get rid of! (If you read this carefully, it’s the story of a girl so fed up with her boss’ piggish ways that she sold all her stuff and moved to New York.)

If interested, message me at rluippold [at] gmail dot com. I’m leaving this weekend so I’d like to get rid of all this ASAP so I’ll have money to spend on rent in a rat-hole, a literal rat-hole, in Brooklyn.

NOT PICTURED (yet): My '99 Toyota Camry LE. 160,000 miles. Good condition. Around $3000 is ideal.  

This is a great recliner! $50!

Bookshelf! $80! (This is really a great bookshelf.)(Of course you don’t get the books on them, silly!)

Can you believe I have to sell this futon ($80)? I sure can’t!

This is my nightstand. As you can see, it’s covered in garbage. Would YOU like to be the person to save it from the grasps of my neglect for only, like, $30?

NOT PICTURED ITEMS FOR $40:

-I have three small computer desks for some reason. I’ll sell any of them for about $30 each. They’re all in good condition. I also have a small desk chair that I’ll throw in for another $15.

-A 13” rear-projection TV. Built-in DVD player. Nothing’s wrong with it. $40?

-A toaster oven. I actually am in love with this toaster oven. It’s yours for $40.

14 7 / 2010

“I heard MIA’s new album, and all I can say is, pass the truffles!”

“So Bristol Palin got engaged? I bet she’ll ‘see Alaska from her house’ tonight!”

“Did you hear Mel Gibson’s latest tape? What’s next, Obama appointing him Secretary of the Box Office?”

“Meg Whitman is behind in the polls. Meg’s got less going for her than Steve Jobs at a Glee convention!”  

“There’s still oil leaking into the Gulf of Mexico! Quick, someone call Michael Lohan’s publicist!”

 “These Wall Street bankers are getting away with more robbery than all of Angelina Jolie’s kids combined!”

“So Edward Norton isn’t going to be in The Avengers movie. What’s next, teaching at Glenn Beck University?”

“Can you believe LeBron James? Move over, Paul the Octopus, unless you can score some three-pointers!”

“Did you see The Hills finale last night? I didn’t because I was too busy overdosing on sleeping pills.”

12 7 / 2010

Stan Eastley is a movie critic I made up who has spent twenty years describing every single movie he sees as “a rootin’ tootin’ good time” in hopes of getting quoted on a movie poster. He finally did, and then died.